you BIG Mad

You still mad or nah?! LOL yes, I meant to use that vernacular. I used it to put emphasis on the little you that’s still big mad about the DIVORCE. Yeah, she/he cheated and you’re devastated, infuriated, hurt, betrayed, broken, depressed and maybe even confused as to how you got here but now you are so deal with it and move on. How long are gonna stay mad about it, until you’re sick and die? Nah, nope not me… I’m moving on, ok!

Now this might touch a nerve with some but to me if you’re still mad you’re not over him or the situation and until then they still have power over you. Meanwhile, he’s just not that into you anymore or wants to have his cake and eat it too. Yes, it takes time to heal from the hurt but how long will you stay sulking and mad? You’ve still got life so LIVE! Every time you fuss you give them the power to control your emotions and further bring you to a deep dark place. And all for what? Nothing! They’re not in your presence or hung up the phone and you’re still pissing mad.

Now I’m no therapist but I had to make a decision to not get mad about what I couldn’t control. Wish I knew this when it was me because I was mad, confused, hurt, disappointed, I could list a number of adjectives to explain how I was feeling during that time. At the time I could only lean on God because only in His presence did I felt relieved. There was comfort And relief felt in prayer and worship not just at church but even at home. Problem was I couldn’t keep that feeling consistent so I lashed out at my kids or anyone close to me. Every now and again my sister would say, ” hey you good because we didn’t do it”. (Who gonna check me boo?!) I had to get my emotions in check because hurting the people who still loved me, depended on me. I had no idea how I was making other feel. It woke me up it’s just unfortunate that it took me almost a year to see it.

I had to trust the process and God to deliver from the depression I was in. I let go and let God, giving up control allowed for Him to work and for me to just focus on Him. To be honest I’m still on the journey…

I had to realize what I can’t control is how my ex behaved or how he runs his house or who he brings the kids around. What I can do is respectfully state my concerns but then I’ve got to let it go and pray that I’ve been heard. Initially, I thought we could be ‘friendly’ but that just caused confusion and muckiness for me like, there maybe one more chance but I knew in my heart there wasn’t. Reconciliation wasn’t an option. We’re cordial and present a united front with the kids at least 88% of the time. Don’t get me wrong his family is still mine and mine his but if it ain’t about the kids school, activities or their general needs what we talking about? Our lives are S-E-P-A-R-A-T-E and I’m not responding to any of the 5 W’s. Like NeNe said: “THE DOOR IS CLOSED!”. Now I’m not saying some times you’re not gonna get upset or irritated but quickly move on because health is wealth and stress and anxiety can cause you sickness and disease. I don’t wanna be sick of nobody okay especially not my ex. I need us both healthy and happy so we can provide for our kids. I could never figure out why people are so mad to the point of hating their ex. Making themselves and the person they used to love or chose to lay down with so uncomfortable. Seriously, you used to be in love at one time- IN L-O-V-E. I don’t hate my ex, I love him I just hate what happened.

Find out what brings you happiness and slowly start incorporating it into your daily life. Being angry will have you lashing out at your kids when they did nothing at all. You got divorced not them. They deserve 2 people who are willing to do the utmost when it comes to seeking their well being. Kids are resilient and they will recover just like you will but they need their parents to show them love and attention.

“Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Nehemiah‬ ‭8:10‬ ‭KJV

Get to joy and live your BEST life each and everyday. Don’t let being big mad make you lose sight of you being the best YOU!

Here’s a song to remind to not go back and forth with….NOBODY. (Sorry saint but this song just suits the moment so give me some grace, it’s what Jesus would do😜.

Time’s up…!

There comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand and let people know that their place is now on the other side. Yeah, you might be hurt or in your emotions right now but you gotta just deal with it. Your time is up! Time waits on no man, or should I say: no one. It’s constantly moving, progressing. The older I get the more I realize that there’s; my time, your time and then there’s Gods time and Gods timing is perfect. The part that sucks is when you’re not ready… key word here: ‘you’. We, I mean, I gotta learn how to move outta Gods way… it’s easy said than done though.

Recently, I’ve come to the realization that some people are seasonal and no matter how long they’ve been around. When they are moved out of the way you have to know that Gods plan is at hand and you have to let go. Yes, sometimes it’s hard, really hard to move or let go. But, the more you try to mend, fix or hold on to it/then God will make the relationship more uncomfortable for you, very, very uncomfortable. Trust, if God wants you to move He will push you 👌🏾, like make you stumble and fall push.

For years, when going jean shopping I’d pick multiple sizes and styles to see which one fits the best or looks good on my body type. I can’t take them all just the ones that fit and sometimes every couple months I need new sizes depending on if my weight fluctuates😏 (God bless the person who made Lycra). So you see, change and growth is inevitable! It MUST happen. People should grow, change, and evolve based on the circumstances of life. The adaptation teaches you what you like and don’t like, what to pick up and what to put down (I pick things up and I put them down 😂). If you’re still the same person you were 5, 10, or 15yrs ago you haven’t grown, matured or lived for that matter. The same goes for platonic or monogamous relationships. They should grow with every situation thrown at it either getting closer together, forming a stronger bond or it will fall apart because it can’t withstand the challenges it brings.

One more example; this one might make the saints question me but… whatever, I wasn’t always saved! Just like with wine, whiskey or cognac, when it’s first produced it has a sharp edge to it. It’s good enough to drink but it could be even better after it’s aged over time. The aging increases not only the flavor but the value and most of all gives you an intense smooth flavor. So, basically what I’m trying to say is if you have fruit that’s going to spoil; throw it out or make wine with it before the times up! LOL

Most Valuable Player

What’s the difference? I mean aren’t they the same thing? What’s the big difference between a Father & Dad?

Most kids don’t run into their ‘fathers’ arms they run to ‘daddy’. My kids don’t say: “father father can we, will you, I want”. No, they say daddy and that’s how I refer to him as well unless I’m sometimes saying: “go ask ya father!’ I’m not sure kids even know the difference until their into their teenage years. To me they’re just not the same.

Father: biological parent to a child. Some refer to him as the donor, child support provider (most of you hope) or baby’s daddy. For the most parent it’s viewed with negative connotation which is why I don’t use any of them.

Dad/ Daddy: An active participant in the upbringing, growth and development of their child(ren). One who provides physical, emotional, spiritual support with love.

*See also characteristics of father but not necessarily nor is it essential (for all you stepdads and boyfriends that have picked up the slack so to speak).

Well all I can say is that my kids have both a father and a dad or as they would say daddypooh or the other long list of endearing terminologies.

Growing up we had both parents in the home during my elementary years. Both my parents worked hard to provide. We didn’t have name brands or eat lobster and steak everyday but we were fed bathed and clothed- the essentials. My dad put the fear of God in us without having to say a word. He was fun, took us for drives just because which usually meant ice cream or Mickey D’s or just hang out, all of us on the bed watching westerns and animal planet (which I haven’t really ever watched since his passing 17 yrs ago). He also could def cook better than my mom (don’t worry she knew that 😉). What I didn’t know about my dad until he passed was that he was a dad to so many others. I mean where did he find the time between work, traveling and being home with us🤷🏾‍♀️. I had no idea that my dad was being spread so thin it’s like he had over 10 children (nieces, nephews) not including us that he was helping to fix cars, buy clothes and giving money to and who knows what else. Even 10+ years after his death I’ve had family members say ‘he was our favorite uncle he was like a father to us and we still miss him’. As his daughter it’s an honor to hear the legacy that he has left behind in the heart of so many others. I guess that’s why I prayed so hard for my kids about the dad they’d have and God came through🙌🏾 WON’T HE DO IT!!!.

In this area I chose well ☺️. He’s a willing and active participant, and sometimes too much even telling me how to parent 😏🙄. Even in utero he was there when we found out it was twins not sure if he was more excited than I was or not. He bought me a car and built up cribs and was very attentive- which means he bought me pizza and ice cream when ever I wanted 😁. I got a car (so I didn’t have to ride the train 🤢), belly talk, spa treatments, foot rubs, ice cream galore and even a baby moon to Disney. He changed diapers and gave baths. Always there for every year for the first day of school, attends all events and school meetings good, bad or indifferent. Provides whatever they need even when I say no. Watches them while I go to class, bible study and even when I went on my most recent solo trip (even though he cheated a bit bringing them to my mom and sister😆). He helps with homework and school projects but most of all he spends time making them laugh. Sometimes its annoying how good the twins relationship is with their dad. Must have been the same feeling my mom felt about me with my dad (sorry mom 😔). Their built in best friend from the start who loves them unconditionally💕.

Hey I can’t complain especially when I hear or see up close what some women go through with their kids fathers. Begging to get them to give $50/month to feed their kids or spend time with them. Quitting jobs jut not to pay , have their passports taken away and still not paying. Breaking their babies heart when they just don’t show up 😔. We actually get along pretty well and can come in agreement with regards to most things regarding our kids.

Everyday, week and month that goes by we get better about how we co-parent and for that I’m grateful. Grateful for the mutual respect that we have for each other even after our divorce. Is it perfect everyday? Nope but I believe we are doing the very best we can to provide a loving environment that allows the kids to grow to healthy individuals regardless of whether we are together or not. I wouldn’t trade him for the world! When it comes to our team (entire village) I can say with confidence that he is our MVP🏆.

So, a special shout out goes out to: Amira & Gavin’s DADDY!! Happy Father’s/ Daddy Day, we Love ya!

*yes, I can love him even though we’re divorced.

Happy Father’s & Daddy’s Day to all you awesomedads out there!