So, I got divorced again! I mean it just happened so fast that I’m just coming out of my shell to admit that it happened…..again and it’s got me searching myself to see what’s wrong with me, what have I done to deserve this. Two years after the divorce with my ex my BFF broke up with me 😰!
How after all these years of friendship could this have happened. More than half my life you’ve been there…through trials, tribulations, hurt, death, celebrations, happiness, joy. One of my biggest cheerleaders. You believed in me, saw the beauty of who I was way back when I couldn’t. My trusted confidant and sounding board- your no non- sense advice made the hardest of things seem so simple. The only person I would let check me Boo 😂. Heck! You pushed me to do this blog and now who will I share it with? How could you just walk away with a piece of my heart like that?! I felt wounded, hurt and angry all at once.
I’ve prayed for you to come back into my life but I have to realize that our season was up. As much as I’ve desired to hear you voice, to laugh at your sometimes corny jokes and silly catch phrases it may never happen again.
One thing I know for sure is perception is key and it’s based on the experiences an individual has endured. Sometimes we believe that the people around have seen us endure the worst wouldn’t ever allow or even put us in the same position to repeat the strife that someone else may have caused us. What I also learned is that people can hold on to the memory of who you once were and not who you are now. Stuck in a vortex, a timewarp of what and who you used to be. If you’re not growing, changing or evolving you’re dying. Yes, I’ve changed, I’ve been stretched, tested and well… life! No, (that’s a holy word) I won’t apologize for that…I can’t. So, you gotta learn to play dodge ball or take bullets like 50cent and survive.
Recently, my pastor spoke on forgiveness and literally I was sobbing for not just you but all the people including some family members who’ve hurt me. I can truly say that I’m delivered from it ALL! To keep it all the way real, I haven’t forgotten but it’s just not at the forefront of my mind nagging at my spirit any longer-true deliverance ok. Today I hope you can forgive me because surely I’ve forgiven you. For what we were/are mis-perceiving, mid-communicating each other to be, how the veil of un-forgiveness has hurt us 😔 both. Maybe one day when we are old and gray we will sit down on either of our porches and laugh what used to be. Right now I’m realizing that separation may just be bringing elevation. Until then I’ll pray that you get all the desires of your heart ♥️ and that you have true happiness.
XOXO to my BFForever!